The Rockies have announced that contrary to previous indications, the team has opted for an 11 man starting rotation. According to manager Jim Tracy, each starting pitcher will have a pitch limit of 75 pitches. Honestly, this might be the funniest thing to happen in baseball this year other than the Dickey/Wang pitching matchup. 75 pitches. 11 potential starting pitchers. That works out to approximately 1 start every 2 weeks. Awesome. Kudos to the Rockies for thinking outside the box. Too bad they stopped short of getting truly creative. Here are just a few more ideas the team should consider to make it through the remainder of the season.
- At least 2 hours prior to game time, Jim Tracy should throw the names of all the pitchers who have not pitched in the previous 4 days into a batting helmet and pick a name out to determine the starting pitcher.
- Maybe that batting helmet should also include a few position players who can round out the bullpen.
- Insist on calling out the pitch count to the mound after every at-bat. Light a fire under the pitcher to finish off the inning by pitching to contact. That cannot possibly go awry.
- Hold a press conference to admit that this 11 man rotation only exists to confuse the Padres in hopes that the Friars won’t pass the Rockies in the standings.
- During the same press conference, team management should announce that this is all part of a master plan to rebuild the team completely by 2020.
- Trade Carlos Gonzalez and be sure to get a knuckle ball pitcher in return. Just trading Car-Go would be big news, but trading him for 4-5 really bad pitchers would be huge.
- Stock the roster full of guys who can pitch, and put pitchers at whatever defensive positions they choose.
- Sign/obtain Aaron Miles, Felipe Lopez, and Chris Davis.
- Start promoting double headers with the Lingerie Football League. Naturally, the fans would be required to watch the Rockies play first in order to make sure people showed up.
- Crazy idea. The Rockies could actually go ahead and spend money on good pitchers. That means that hiring someone like Jamie Moyer would never, ever happen again.
- Hold live tryouts during the 7th inning stretch.
- Sell tickets for people to actually sit in the humidor during games.
- Make a team announcement that the Rockies intend to become a AAA affiliate of whatever team steps up with the best offer for Troy Tulowitzki‘s abomination of a contract.
- Add a large white flag of surrender just below the Colorado state flag to show that they mean no harm to visiting teams.
- Take the entire team on a pilgrimage to some Mayan ruins to search for the lost calendar piece that shows that the end of the world. Note that the Mayans played a death game involving a stone loop fixed high up on a wall. Encourage team to play.
I have nothing against the Rockies and certainly enjoy watching Tulo play. The problem is that the rest of the team remains practically unwatchable after several years of building around Tulo. The implication? Maybe the Rockies excel at doing baseball wrong. Then again, a team that struggles to 14 games back before July 4th probably is not doing much right.